A few days ago I was on a walk with a friend. He said he’s been asking a few people, “Why have you been okay/done okay during this season? How have you dialed in and thrived versus being okay just getting by?” He mentioned being interested in trying to find the common thread amongst those folks, while also comparing and contrasting them to those who’ve had a more difficult time during this challenging stretch. After hearing the question, I thought to myself, “What a great thing to reflect on right now? Just imagine identifying and documenting that recipe for success or fulfillment during a time of unpredictability and uncertainty. What unbelievable dream (or dreams!) might be possible if/when we break out that concoction and bake it when times are less disruptive. How powerful could that be?”
So basically, I can’t get the question out of my head now. Have I batted .1000 during COVID? Nope. Has it been perfect? Far from it. But have I found ways to thrive and learn and grow and do? You bet your @$$! And it’s been oddly awesome. So I’m taking a swag at trying to answer his question with some degree of thoughtful consideration. (Aaaand because I need to be able to reflect on this someday. These seasons will likely be more frequent, not less frequent if we don’t get our $#!+ together as a community, as a society.) Now, it’s important to note that a couple of these ingredients are certainties; a couple are theories…but theories that I truly believe have merit. That disclaimer aside, here goes…
1) Lean INTO the Chaos – A good friend, a visionary friend, mentioned early on how excited he gets when times of chaos and disruption present themselves because those moments often offer opportunities to do things differently, to see things differently, to create differently, to serve differently. 35 y/o Scott might have freaked out and shut it down when hit with this much social, civil, political, and biological unrest. Frankly, the 48 y/o version of me has certainly struggled mightily at times. That said, seeing this madness as an opportunity to grow, and learn, and do, and take risks, and perform differently has been a gamechanger. I’ve tried new things. I learned new things. I’ve failed. I’ve succeeded. I’ve grown. I’ve maximized this opportunity to reevaluate, to reset, to refocus. I lived – fully – which has often been admittedly tough at times. So, in a period where so much of what we’re accustomed to actually stopped, I moved. I got excited. I tried. I acted. I changed. I prayed. I adapted. I took a leap. I learned. And that has made all the difference. Leaning into that posture in a time like this? I’d never considered it before. Little did I know that insight would provide a much-needed green light to “GO!” – without hesitation and without fear -, versus the red light I might have traditionally seen.
2) Connect Frequently, Differently, Intentionally – A pandemic may be an extrovert’s worst nightmare. Ahh, who am I kidding? It’s also an introvert’s worst nightmare. With that dose of obvious, here’s what I’ve been doing very little of the past few months. I’m no longer attending in-person church services, games, concerts, or eating out. I’m not hugging, high-fiving, dapping, or riding with friends or out of household family. Missing those things has made me seek out meaningful replacements…and with greater frequency, with greater intentionality. Over the past few months, I’ve found myself drinking deep from the well of friendship and conversation. Am I “Zoomed out?” Absolutely. As a full-contact friend, do I miss hugging friends and family? Hell, yeah. (Just a heads up, once safe, I’m hugging everyone. I’m talking all the people. It will likely be weird and awkward, but it’s happening. So get ready.) That said, is it possible to have meaningful connects through a screen? Depends on the depths of your relationships or how badly you want to grow them. I think the three friends I laughed with for hours a couple of weekends ago would say deeper connection in separate physical spaces is 100% possible. My guess is our Thursday morning men’s group from church would agree. Heck, half of us were crying last week, in a good way. (Who thought a bunch of dudes could look forward to getting on a weekly 7:15am church chat?!) That said, are there other meaningful things we could do together, do safely, and still strengthen connection? Well, a favorite artist of mine, Drew Holcomb, sings “You can’t know a man ’til you eat at his table.” I believed that was almost exclusively true, then I took an eight-mile walk with a good friend who was a better one after that time outside together. The neighbors I golf with (after a multi-year hiatus from the course)? I’ve gotten to know them better in the last 8 months, than the previous 15 years we’ve lived near each other. Long story short, being intentional about finding new ways, new topics, new frequencies, and new places to connect with others has been elemental to thriving, not just surviving this difficult time.
3) Prioritize Joy. Prioritize People Who Do the Same – I hit my quota for negativity and negative people a few years back. If you’re having a rough go of it, I’m here to support you, to listen, to help however I can. 1000%. I’ll sit. I’ll be quiet. I’ll listen. I’ll cry with you. I’ll support you. All day. But, if you are habitually bringing down the room, complaining about nonsensical bull$#!+ while people are losing loved ones, if nothing’s ever good enough for you, if you’re pissed about what the schools and churches and politicians AREN’T doing for you, or you’re chaffed because someone asked you to step back a bit or to wear a mask to protect yourself and those around you, you’re probably not my first call. Now, if you are finding joy, learning, connection, peace, and love during this time and you’re spreading that $#!+ like confetti, you’re on my Covid All-Tournament Team and I need your email address or cell number so we can Zoom it up, text, talk, or DM about what is going WELL. In another week or two, maybe we can chat it up while getting vaccinated together. Boom.
4) Get Smarter – One thing I found as soon as this giant pause button was pressed on the game of Life, I started getting a little smarter. (This happened right after I binged Tiger King and Cobra Kai like the rest of you.) I started reading a little more, listening to more podcasts, watching more TEDtalks and documentaries, registering for more ShiftSessions, and generally finding ways to connect with people who were smarter than me. And holy hell, guess what? Feeding my brain with the good stuff began to eliminate the time and space I had been making for the bad stuff. (Don’t judge me. You’ve all doom scrolled through Twitter for an hour then wondered why.) All the new and awesome people, ideas, and tools I was learning about were making me happier, more creative, more focused, a better coworker, a wiser and more supportive husband and father, and far less tolerant of creative, spiritual, technical, or relational boundaries. Did I ever think breathing, reading, meditation, walking, quiet time, or a documentary would be a gamechanger for me? Absolutely not. Have those things and fifty other self-care tools I’ve put into place completely altered how I’ve attacked this season? Absolutely, 100%.
5) Laugh More – One of the most emotionally nutritious things I can do for myself, my focus, my headspace? Laugh. One of the most important things I can do for those around me and vice versa (even if it’s via a screen)? Laugh. A lot. A whole lot. And loudly. COVID? It’s contagious. Laughter? Even moreso. When someone laughs, I’m changed instantly. I think we all are. Laughing early and often has been a key piece to my pandemic puzzle. I watch standup. I Zoom, text, call, facetime, email, tweet, post, and follow funny people, funny friends, funny accounts, companies, organizations, etc. My wife, daughter, and I spend quality time together catching up with New Girl, Zooey Deschanel, and learning from our favorite coach, Ted Lasso. Throw in a heavy dose of ridiculousness with our lab, Lincoln, and without even adding water, you have instant laughter. And hearing that sound from the other 2/3 of Team Fussell? Oh man, that’s chicken soup for my soul. Again, I hit my negativity quota awhile back. Life’s too short. There’s connection in quality conversation. There’s a longed-for levity in the laughter. Drink in heavy doses of both, sometimes simultaneously.
6) Serve Bigger – Just before the pandemic, we launched the nonprofit whose site you’re currently scrolling. We’ve spent the year getting our organizational house in order so we could truly build a connection point to resources and relationships that help shift the way people think, talk, act, and care about mental health and wellness. Truth be told, it has been a heavy, heavy lift. We’re spending a LOT of time building and serving families, our friends, our community. You know what happens when you spend time serving others?
1) You immediately begin to forget all the ways you previously felt you’d been wronged or shorted. (That’s called entitlement leaving your body.)
2) Your level of gratitude for your family, friends, and what is going well goes next level. And…
3) You feel good. Really good. I’m talking “Just played Augusta Nat’l before going to Disney World with all my favorite people, then got dropped off at Willy Wonka’s so I could take the glass elevator to St Elmo’s for the best steak ever.” good. I’m not even kidding. Seriously, get out there and serve your face off, friend. You’ll thank me later. Guaranfreakingteed.
Pro Tip: The next time someone is banging your ear about virtual learning, why they can’t yet get vaccinated, how pissed they are that their church cares so much about people’s safety that they continue to follow CDC guidelines, or that they can’t dance next to the stage while the band plays over the smell of chicken wings, ask them, “When was the last time you volunteered somewhere? When was the last time you served others?” If they say, “I don’t know.” Call us, let’s help find a way to connect them to an opportunity. That could be their missing piece and what’s adding to the angst they’re feeling, living, and spreading. Long story short, when we spend time serving others, we take up the room we once had to be selfish.
So, are things perfect? Nope. Still a work in progress? Yep. Challenges with mental health? 100%. I’m still trying to figure it out like the rest of you. That said, being asked “How are you making it? How are you winning in the midst of this storm we’re in?” has offered an extraordinary moment or two to reflect. It’s made me think about the things that are working, rather than focus on the things that aren’t. Would I recommend this exercise for you? Without question. One of two things will happen, you’ll start doing things that work with greater intentionality OR you’ll realize there are changes to be made. Either way, you’re winning. Go get it.
